Blog bl-blog blog blog 17/01/24
- Kirstifer
- Jan 17, 2024
- 7 min read
Please know this is sung to the tune of the great sacred song of our era - the “Thong Song” by Sisqó.
I don’t think I have any Great Essay™ ideas for this week. Honestly, I’m kinda tired. I wake up early on Wednesdays (drink) to taxi my brother around for a bit (it’s his story to tell, so I’ll let him do that in his own time). I reckon I’ll see what my brain vomits up, and then I’ll waffle on about them for a bit and see if it makes a compelling read (chances are hella low, though).
Brain vomit:
Magic beans
Being the best you you can be
Dating app pressures
D&D
Queer resources
Let’s get into it.
Magic Beans
“What on earth…?” I hear you wondering in your gorgeous grey wiggles. So, I mentioned somewhat that I’m attempting to do my own business thing, which is hilarious and terrifying. I know I’m an adult and what have you, but also being the youngest in your family, having flopped out of a bunch of stuff and bounced around a bunch, then suddenly calling yourself a “CEO” or “Managing director” is W I L D. Personally I’ve opted for calling myself “Employee of the month” because I’m the only employee and I’ma live it up while I can.
ANYWAY. Magic beans. I was out at a pottery painting place at the weekend (inadvertently made a SpongeBob mug, but hey ho, we move), and I was talking about the bidness and what have you and how I described it to my therapist. So, I feel a little bit like a fraud with this whole thing because I haven’t got much to show for all the work I’ve done. But what I’m doing is still really important! I’ve got my tiny bebe seed, and I’ve popped it in the right soil, and I’m watering it, and it’s spreading all its roots to get safe and secure in itself before it pops its head out about the ground and turns into a visible plant. This led one of my pals to say, “Like a magic bean!” which confused most of us there because we’d not heard of this, but apparently, there are magic beans that you plant, and then it has words on the leaves! MAGIC. BEANS. So they were imagining that for me but with like “success” and all that positive shit for me, which is goddamn adorable, and I love my friends. Gah. I’m very lucky to have them in my life.
Be the best you, you can be
This is actually quite a funny turn of phrase to me right now because I watched “The Beekeeper” last night. It’s terrible but very funny, and there are lots of bee puns in it. Alas, this section is not about the film but rather something my brother and I were talking about whilst I was being the taxi for him. He recently turned 35, which meant he has started to freak out about his mortality and what have you. Again, his story is his to tell, and if he does it like how he’s thinking he might, I might be able to have him guest author something on here (if he gets over his phobias of us here, gays and such). Whilst I was driving, he was muttering positive phrases to himself which I think was adorable. Also, it hit on a bunch of stuff I’ve worked on in therapy, so I was able to have a good conversation with him about self-improvement and reflection and stuff like that. We also had a bit of a talk because I’d heard through the family grapevine that he was trying to change because he’d met someone recently, which genuinely concerned me quite a lot. I am a big fan of continued self-improvement, but I am a strong believer that it has to be done for yourself. Not because you want to impress someone else or live up to their standards. This is something that has taken me years to wrap my head around - I have many years of undiagnosed X, Y and Z (seriously though, I’d love a big sit down with a psychiatrist and see what their thoughts are of what’s my deal because I could use some of them there reasonable adjustments in my life) alongside a habit of fawning and people-pleasing so. Changing for myself was something I’d not ever considered. Now I try to focus on this and not how I tailor my behaviour to make those around me more comfortable. If you feel uncomfortable with me being me, I think maybe there’s something for you to examine there. As I’m writing this, I think I might try and make some positive message lil doodles to pop up every now and then to remind people that it’s okay to not be okay and it’s also fine to want to try and be a better you. You’re not saying the current you are trash, necessarily, but merely that there be room for improvement, and you’re willing to put that time and effort into yourself - which is beautiful. Well done you <3
Dating app pressure
Perks of Polyamory - if you have a lot of love to give, you can do so freely!
Cons of Polyamory - it does take a lot of social battery to talk to multiple (potentially new, potentially known) people.
I am a big believer in “Bus Theory”, which I believe I absorbed and possibly developed whilst waiting for buses at school. There will be no buses in sight for the allotted time of three buses to arrive, but as soon as you start to call a taxi or move on from your plans, five buses arrive at once, and all want your custom. This, naturally, applies to more than just buses. Dating apps are one such circumstance. I am currently on a bundle of them (more nets and all that), and for a long time, I will get nothing. Which is a-ok. I’m genuinely a bit concerned when people do match with me because they’ve read my bio of “Haunted meat sack, looking for similar” and gone “ooh, I like it” which. Naturally, raises a slightly pink flag in my mind. However, recently, people have been matching and messaging left, right and centre. I think I have four matches on one app, three on another and possibly one or two on a couple more. I know I could reach out and explain to each of the people that my social battery is struggling with the incoming messages, but also, I don’t want to be the dickhead who is like, “I have soOoooOooooooOooOooo many matches - whatever will I do!” Y’know? Also, I don’t want to turn someone down who might be a really good match, and we vibe. There’s something to be said about a balance of use on these apps and how much you pour into them too, like it’s a nice thing to match with new people, but also - we’re all people with four-dimensional lives. We have other things happening. I don’t blame others when they take time to respond, and it actually kinda wigs me out when people are super on top of their messages. I dunno. This is just something that’s getting to me. I promise it’s not a flex. If anything, I’m incredibly scared of this situation, and this is my safe space to whimper like a little pup about it.
Dungeons and Dragons
YO BOIS, I’M RUNNING MY OWN CAMPAIGN AND A PC IN ANOTHER ONE. I AM BUZZED.
Now I’ve gotten that out of the way, yes, I am a massive nerd. I love me some ttrpgs and am here to shout about it. I am running my third(?) ever game, and of course, I’ve gone way too hard and decided to homebrew a campaign. I’m running it on 5e and am so excited. I’ve been saving reels and TikToks for so long for this. I’ve got my PCs to write five rumours about themselves prior to session 0 so that I can share these amongst the players so they can create a range of different roleplaying opportunities. This also allows them to have a stake in building the world with me, and I am so excited to see how lost and off-track we get.
Before dipping off into the last topic for this blog, I was thinking about making some DnD for dummies (or maybe a kinder name) sheets/infographics. I understand that very few people are reading these (and for that, I am eternally grateful), but if that’s something y’all are interested in, please let me know because that would be something I’d gladly make 🤩
Queer resources
So, I have my “save the world” business in FunStabs, but I’ve also been thinking about this website and how I can help people here. The ex-teacher in me is crying out to make some PowerPoints and booklets for people to have. So, I want to make resources for young people who are discovering who they are to help them gain a better and deeper understanding of their uniqueness and how they can harness that, and I’d also like to factor in mental health, neurodivergence and other conditions. I know these don’t necessarily have anything in common, but these are all desperately under-represented states of existence. Yes, queerness has made moves into the spotlight over recent years but rarely has it been seen as something to celebrate but rather something to “fix” or ban or be afraid of - the queers are coming to get you, Barbara - etc. I would like to throw my small and stylish (if I do say so myself) hat into the ring and start creating cute lil things to help people feel proud of their identity, and I’m totally down with working with others to develop this. Maybe I’d be able to create lil booklets and stuff in the future that I can make adults pay for but have a secret code for younguns to get them for free? I’d love that. A guerilla queer and neurodiverse uprising? I’m here for it. Let’s do it. I’m sold. Alright, the creative juices are flowing again. Let's do this thing.
Alright, so I’m starting an uprising, and I’m too popular is the key of this week's blog. Smashing work. I’ll see you on the flippitydip <3
Love you bye
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